| | Time has passed me by, so are the words and ideas that entertained my mind. It has been quite long, you may say, before I have updated my blog with any conclusive and rational post. Well, life has just got busier for me. My time has been eaten up by numerous tasks and labors that left me no choice but to, once in a while, stop. But if you’re asking why I’m back, I’ll answer you with this: I rediscovered the reason why I pushed myself in doing this. I have created my first account in Xanga not only because I want to experience blogging, but because I want to tell someone of my innermost thoughts. That was the time I lost my best friend (not because of death). There was a gap in our relationship as friends, and time made it grew wider. Therefore, I have lost someone that cares to listen to what I have to say. There was loneliness in my world, but I don’t want my ideas to rot inside my head. I want someone, or something, to listen…or at least read what I have to say. I want to continue expressing myself. What led me in rediscovering it? Well, the story goes like this. I was so mad and furious yesterday that there was no way I can let it all out. I tried drowning myself, listening to music for hours. I slept, still with my headphones on. And when I woke up, I still feel tremendously the same. There, I saw a tiny pair of scissors at my table. I grabed it and started playing with it, thrusting it to my hands. Soon after, I was looking for my scissors (to those who do not know, it was bigger) and I continued doing the same thing. Call me stupid, or anything, but if you were in my place surely you’ll understand. I felt I existed in a world where no one cares to listen. There I came to understand what being “emo” means (if I got it right); why do people like hurting themselves, and why they end up doing it. Mostly, in my clichés, I use to say that everything happens for a reason. Indeed, there is. Why people do this and that, why they choose to do it, and so on and so forth. There is something, no matter how small or big it is. I have forgotten why I created this blog: I created it to express myself where I know no one is tasked or obliged to listen, only those who wants to. Also, I obliged myself in updating it in case there is someone (or something) that cares to read and listen to my weeps and exaltation. Once in while, when we rest, we need to refresh our minds and ask ourselves “why I am doing such things?’. For in everything we do, there is a reason. And as I have learned from my retreat, the world would be miserable if one losses his sensibility and sense of reasoning. (If you see some grammatical and spelling errors, please do correct me. Thanks.) |
